Playing the Devil's Advocate
Last few weeks have been very interesting with the Blank Noise project slipping into high gear. I think it is a very bold campaign and has been long overdue.
However, I think listening to just one side of an issue is never good. I don't think any campaign/argument is good without constructive criticism and counter opinions. I say so because it prevents us from slipping into what I call the "mass mentality" mode. Other points of views can help to come up with a solution.
I think Wundergal's harassment posts (9th March & 5th March) inspired me to write this one.
Wundergal, to answer your question on "how many of u have been in the crowd? Wat did u do?". If I were in the crowd, I probably would not have done anything because of the one glaring fact.. I don't know who's wrong. I'm not saying that in your case the guys weren't and you were. But you assume (and in turn want us all to assume) that the guys are the ones who're wrong, EVERYTIME. You are wielding a very powerful sword and I, for one, have seen it being unjustly before. And I have been at the receiving end of it and I know how defenseless I feel against that sword. When has a guy EVER been given the benefit of the doubt in a situation like this? Forget the benefit of the doubt.. heck, there is NO doubt. Usually everyone assumes WITHOUT DOUBT that when it comes to a confrontation, that the male is usually the guilty party.
Consider this scene.. you are at a bus-stop and suddenly you turn around and notice a big commotion between a guy and a girl. The girl's stand is that the guy misbehaved with her. The guy's stand is that he didn't. HOLD THAT THOUGHT FOR JUST A SECOND. What is your reaction to it? 99.999% of the people at this point are thinking "oh.. another guy who can't keep his hands to himself". Well, not without reason ofcourse. There have been enough incidents which have happened, to influence our thinking this way. All, I'm trying to say is, give the guy a chance. Time's have changed now. This is a day when women know what they want. This is a day when they're not afraid to go get what they want. It can happen the other way around too.. however ridiculous it may sound. Don't assume that the guy is always the one at fault. There are a lot of times when the women too provoke such incidents.
At this point, I have a few questions. Women talk & share all their experiences, that is a commonly known fact.
To those who listen : How many of you actually take the stories shared by your women friends with a pinch of salt? I wish I could hear your replies. It is just amazing how women can make the guys sound like villians when they share their stories. Does it ever strike you that you hear only one side of a story? Doesn't it strike you odd that you always hear "oh.. he did this to me.. he did that to me.. that rogue" and hardly any "oh.. I actually hit on him.. and it turned out this way"? There are always two sides to a story. It can really help if you don't form opinions based on just one.
To the women who tell stories : How many of you really have the courage to tell their friends about what really happened? Why is it that women are afraid to acknowldege their libido even with their women friends? Are you afraid that your friends will be judging you? You don't have to make up stories, do you? Even if you do, least you can do is not make the guys sound like villians? Remember, you could've been the one who initiated it. You can cry "wolf", but do it responsibly. Because today you are in a position where people are listening to you. You could be unjustly indicting someone else.
Wundergal, I say all this because I have been at the receiving end of it and I really didn't have a defence. I was pronounced guilty even before my side of the story was heard. Well, I think I was declared guilty even after my side of the story was heard.
I don't claim to be an angel. But, in that case I wasn't the one at fault. But the women conveniently edited some major details and made me sound like I misbehaved. And when my word was pitched against theirs, surprise surprise.. no matter what I said, it didn't make a difference. I could see it plain that I had already been declared guilty.
I"m not the only one this has happened to. So, that being the case.. How would you expect everyone to just jump in without actually knowing what happened?
p.s. Just to illustrate how the "Blank Noise Project" can also consider other points of views.. "O Women!" is a post by Savy which I found linked in the Blank Noise Project. It was just like the other links found listed with the Blank Noise Project. As a guy, I was wondering how everyone enlisted to blog for Blank Noise Project had only one kind of opinion. Where was the counter-balance?? I search a little more.. and I found "For The Guys Only" in the same blog. Savy.. pat on your back for not being biased. I'm sure you do the men around you proud. Very well written articles, both of them. Blank Noise Project.. sad that you chose to pick only one of her views and use it for your blogathlon.
However, I think listening to just one side of an issue is never good. I don't think any campaign/argument is good without constructive criticism and counter opinions. I say so because it prevents us from slipping into what I call the "mass mentality" mode. Other points of views can help to come up with a solution.
I think Wundergal's harassment posts (9th March & 5th March) inspired me to write this one.
Wundergal, to answer your question on "how many of u have been in the crowd? Wat did u do?". If I were in the crowd, I probably would not have done anything because of the one glaring fact.. I don't know who's wrong. I'm not saying that in your case the guys weren't and you were. But you assume (and in turn want us all to assume) that the guys are the ones who're wrong, EVERYTIME. You are wielding a very powerful sword and I, for one, have seen it being unjustly before. And I have been at the receiving end of it and I know how defenseless I feel against that sword. When has a guy EVER been given the benefit of the doubt in a situation like this? Forget the benefit of the doubt.. heck, there is NO doubt. Usually everyone assumes WITHOUT DOUBT that when it comes to a confrontation, that the male is usually the guilty party.
Consider this scene.. you are at a bus-stop and suddenly you turn around and notice a big commotion between a guy and a girl. The girl's stand is that the guy misbehaved with her. The guy's stand is that he didn't. HOLD THAT THOUGHT FOR JUST A SECOND. What is your reaction to it? 99.999% of the people at this point are thinking "oh.. another guy who can't keep his hands to himself". Well, not without reason ofcourse. There have been enough incidents which have happened, to influence our thinking this way. All, I'm trying to say is, give the guy a chance. Time's have changed now. This is a day when women know what they want. This is a day when they're not afraid to go get what they want. It can happen the other way around too.. however ridiculous it may sound. Don't assume that the guy is always the one at fault. There are a lot of times when the women too provoke such incidents.
At this point, I have a few questions. Women talk & share all their experiences, that is a commonly known fact.
To those who listen : How many of you actually take the stories shared by your women friends with a pinch of salt? I wish I could hear your replies. It is just amazing how women can make the guys sound like villians when they share their stories. Does it ever strike you that you hear only one side of a story? Doesn't it strike you odd that you always hear "oh.. he did this to me.. he did that to me.. that rogue" and hardly any "oh.. I actually hit on him.. and it turned out this way"? There are always two sides to a story. It can really help if you don't form opinions based on just one.
To the women who tell stories : How many of you really have the courage to tell their friends about what really happened? Why is it that women are afraid to acknowldege their libido even with their women friends? Are you afraid that your friends will be judging you? You don't have to make up stories, do you? Even if you do, least you can do is not make the guys sound like villians? Remember, you could've been the one who initiated it. You can cry "wolf", but do it responsibly. Because today you are in a position where people are listening to you. You could be unjustly indicting someone else.
Wundergal, I say all this because I have been at the receiving end of it and I really didn't have a defence. I was pronounced guilty even before my side of the story was heard. Well, I think I was declared guilty even after my side of the story was heard.
I don't claim to be an angel. But, in that case I wasn't the one at fault. But the women conveniently edited some major details and made me sound like I misbehaved. And when my word was pitched against theirs, surprise surprise.. no matter what I said, it didn't make a difference. I could see it plain that I had already been declared guilty.
I"m not the only one this has happened to. So, that being the case.. How would you expect everyone to just jump in without actually knowing what happened?
p.s. Just to illustrate how the "Blank Noise Project" can also consider other points of views.. "O Women!" is a post by Savy which I found linked in the Blank Noise Project. It was just like the other links found listed with the Blank Noise Project. As a guy, I was wondering how everyone enlisted to blog for Blank Noise Project had only one kind of opinion. Where was the counter-balance?? I search a little more.. and I found "For The Guys Only" in the same blog. Savy.. pat on your back for not being biased. I'm sure you do the men around you proud. Very well written articles, both of them. Blank Noise Project.. sad that you chose to pick only one of her views and use it for your blogathlon.
posted by Rhapsoder at 12:25 AM
3 Comments:
Manu,
cant go without commenting can I? I agree with u 100% - the harassment thing can be completely misused and the balance tilts in favor of the girl for sure!! But, if u consider the ratio of women being harassed to the number of women miusing their feminity, u will understand why....Till that ratio hits one and the case gets balanced this is probably a different kind of harassment the guys have to live with, just like we have for several years now!
My experiences are my own and I know I dint hit on any guy and I am not vouching for anyone else here!!! Sorry if u got caught on the wrong side of the fence once, we get that all the time!
-S
lol. Good argument. I have no reply for that.
There's a reply for everything. Wundergal - just because something's not happening in the right ratio, doesn't make it NOT wrong.With people spewing forth torrents on feminism (and I dont blame them), I only hope that they see this as an issue to be addressed as well.I wouldn't call it harrassment though.Its not the act by itself that's the problem, its the accusation that follows afterwards.More like an unfair experience perhaps?
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